I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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