I love black thongs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
