I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
