My friends, they love my intelligence
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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