Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
