He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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