that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Rumble strips road head = magical
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
