I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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