I'm really into asian looking animals
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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