happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
