allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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