Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
