You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he puts the penis in happiness.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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