My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
