i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
