I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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