Soap is not a condiment
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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