I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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