Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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