My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
