If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
