11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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