my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
