Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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