please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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