My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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