I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
