And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
