Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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