so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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