Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She bit a glass in half.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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