her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We need a shit load of segways right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
