U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
