I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
foreskin is a definite game changer
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
