wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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