Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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