After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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