they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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