The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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