is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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