It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
