I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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