my phone needs a breathalizer
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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