i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
