Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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