You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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