Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do herpes really smell.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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