the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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