the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
