I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize