Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
