I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
