umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
