i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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