yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
