I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
