I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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