We got so high we made milksteak
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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