Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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