it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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