So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
