umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
