My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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