I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
