I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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