You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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