Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
