Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
