Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
