i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
