He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
