I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
