Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
