I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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