Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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