no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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