Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
