plz talk dirty to me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we should paint friendship bongs
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
