It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you made out with another girl for some wings
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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