i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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