How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
