she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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