He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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